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waking dream

by Jacob DeBoer

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1.
the cynic 04:19
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Thought I'd killed the cynic Detrivores proclaimed him dead But it's far from finished Oh he's taking back my head Death lives in his shadow A companion of carrion Skeptical of purpose It's my life he's draining on You say "You'll find me Just trust what you don't know" But he says "Faith is no friend And doubt's your only hope" Is purpose a facade? Some deluded masquerade? Does love even exist? Or just selfishness thinly veiled? He says "You're caught here Abstraction is all you know" But you say "Obedience Precurses faith and hope" As long as I'm living in my head I feed the cynic He's slowly leading me to death With skeptical inhibitions So take a leap of faith Accept the pull of grace And don't let him Destroy you from the inside out Oh I've been living in my head I am the cynic Aimlessly drifting towards death Full of selfish ambition If I could take a leap of faith And lift my eyes up to your face Then it might Change me from the inside out
2.
melancholy 04:28
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I've drained this cup, bled the feeling dry The lacerations on my mind are proof that I Am prone to self destruct This constant pall has drained me in return My heart's solution is continuing the burn So to this feeling I'll return 'Cause I'm happy when I'm sad A paradox which is driving me quite mad I'm at home when I'm alone Yet loneliness has ever been my foe Pain's a funny drug that skews the light It force feeds a mirror that misrepresents your plight Blinding you to what you should really fight Has me wondering how my mind works Does it work at all, or am I just absurd? Reason's eluding me at every single turn 'Cause I'm happy when I'm sad A paradox which is driving me quite mad I'm at home when I'm alone Yet loneliness has ever been my foe When I feel wrong then I'm alright But eventually I tire of the night I'm addicted to the tragic Melancholy's got me tightly in its grip It's a mystery why tragedy attracts more than victory It's a selfish me that's so caught up in pain it forgets the ones around me
3.
dreamlike it was 05:34
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I saw a man floating downstream Dead in the water, that man was me Dreamlike it was, and yet not a dream For there was no waking My courage lay broken upon my knees My boldness, my valour, nowhere to be seen My pride that I built like a fair white city Means nothing to me as I pass into the sea I would've followed you My Brother My Captain My King
4.
untethered 04:05
lyrics
I'm untethered But not like a man without fetters I'm aimlessly drifting Driven only by wind and the waves I'm not getting better I'm detaching Further into myself I'm collapsing Deeper into this cell The longer I rot here the less I'm convinced That I need to escape So won't you break me Or somehow change me? Vivisect my dying heart of stone Transplant it with a living one Please save me If you have to, unmake me Breaking me down past the marrow and bone Cleansing me down to the depths of my soul I'm relapsing Into destructive patterns I'm asking myself if I matter Would the world be better off If I disappeared? I've lost passion I'm listless and senseless Direction has eluded my grasp Doings things just 'cause they're done This is no way to live So won't you break me Or somehow change me? Vivisect my dying heart of stone Transplant it with a living one Please save me If you have to, unmake me Breaking me down past the marrow and bone Cleansing me down to the depths of my soul All I want is sympathy But sympathy's not what I need No, self-pity has deluded me enough A harsh and violent surgery Might revive me to reality And be the remedy to my malady
5.
waking dream 04:13
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Chasing dreams when I can sleep 'Cause nothing waking feels As concrete to me Spend the summer all alone I've made a home inside my head A waking dream to live instead I could fight against my closing eyes But I've always been a coward And that won't change tonight Don't let me fall

about

This album contains a second set of the demos that I put together during 2019. What I felt connected these songs predominantly was the idea of a waking dream, drifting through life, just merely existing, and struggling with that kind of apathy and loss of purpose.

These songs vacillate between hope and despair about being caught in the waking dream that life can often be. In terms of genre, they dance the line between electronic and rock in some ambient, dream pop sense.

credits

released January 4, 2020

Jacob DeBoer - Writing, mixing, producing, programming, vocals, guitar, ukulele, bass, drums & percussion, synthesizers

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Jacob DeBoer Ontario

Hello! I'm a 21 year old DIY songwriter from Canada. I write music as catharsis more than anything, and I hope that listening to it can be cathartic for you as well.

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